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| Is there something unusual about these three guys? |
One day in his town of Mamre,
while Abraham was resting under an oak tree, contemplating his new name, three
guys showed up. Recognizing that these
were Yahweh’s employees, Abraham offered him his best accommodations (that’s to
say his spot under the oak tree) and offered them something to eat and drink,
which they accepted.
“Sarah!” Abraham called, running
inside the family tent. “I need you to
make three quick loaves of bread, right now!”
“’Three quick loaves of
bread’? Abeleh, I don’t think you
understand how baking works…” But
Abraham was already off to the livestock to get some curds and to select a
calf, which he ordered a servant to cook for them, also quickly. It was Abraham who set about bringing this
impromptu picnic to the oak tree, where Yahweh’s agents had been waiting
patiently.
“So, where’s the little lady?”
asked the agents.
“In the tent,” answered
Abraham. “You want me to go get her?”
“Don’t be silly. She only cooked half this meal. There’s no reason for her to join us. But I will tell you this: she’s going to
have a little boy next year.”
As the four men sat under the
tree eating their Hebrew cheeseburgers, the post-menopausal Sarah stood in the
tent, eavesdropping, and laughed about this, saying to herself, “I don’t think those guys understand how
menopause works…” Later on, Yahweh
Himself stopped by asked Abraham why Sarah had been laughing about this, even
though Sarah was right there in the room with them. “I didn’t laugh,” Sarah said.
“Oh, yes, you did,” said
Yahweh. “Quit lying. I know you’re afraid. Look, not only can I be all places at once,
I can also do whatever I want. You’re
having a son next year. Laugh if you
want to, but this is serious as church.”
“Serious as what, Lord?”
“Never mind. That comes later.”
Getting back to the three men at
the cheeseburger picnic. After they
were done, they headed off down the road toward Sodom, the big town in those
parts, with Abraham joining them.
Yahweh wondered to Himself whether or not He should tell Abraham about
the urban renewal project He had in mind for Sodom, since it was Abraham who
was supposed become a big wheel later on, possibly the biggest wheel on
earth. “Oh, why not?” said Yahweh. “Look, Abraham. Things are bad in Sodom and Gomorrah right now. Really bad.
People are starting to complain.”
“Really?” asked Abraham. “It looks as though those towns are pretty
prosperous right now. Thriving economy,
great night life, a great place for a young man to—”
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Yahweh
said, cutting Abraham off. “I need to
go down there and have a look. Then
I’ll make up My mind. I might have to
do something about it.”
“You need to look, Lord?” asked
Abraham. “I don’t mean to be impertinent,
but since You’re omnipresent, wouldn’t You already know if—“
“You are being impertinent,” said Yahweh, and they went on in silence.
The three men split off and
Abraham turned to Yahweh with another question that he hoped was not too
impertinent. “I know how you work,
Yahweh, and I have to wonder about this.
You’re probably going to wreck the place, which is all well and good, if
it’s Your will and all.”
“By definition, that makes it
good.”
“Yeah, but what if there are,
like, fifty good people in that city?
Would You level the place with those fifty good people? This won’t do much for Your reputation! Think about it!”
“Well, if I find fifty good
people there, I’ll let the place stand, because of them.”
“Now Lord, I realize I might be being
impertinent again—“
“You are,” sighed Yahweh, “but go
on.”
“What if you find forty-five good
people there? How about then?”
Yahweh took a deep breath and
sighed. “No, I’d call it all off if
there were forty-five good people there.”
“How ‘bout if there were forty?”
“Yes, I’d back off for forty.”
“Thirty?”
“Yes, for thirty.”
“Now I still don’t mean to be
presumptuous—“
“Yet you are. But go on.”
“Twenty?”
“I’d spare it for twenty.”
“How about if there are ten?
“I’d spare it for ten.”
“Okay, so what if there were—“
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